Sunday, January 21, 2018

Would You Walk Away?

July 13, 2010 by Jeanne Vandermeer  
Filed under Life In General

I used to think that walking away from a relationship was wrong, and since there was so much time invested in it, working on the issues was worth the effort.  It’s like leaving the dirty dishes in the sink all night and wondering why they’re still there in the morning.  You haven’t addressed the issues that are really important to you!

 We women are eternal optimists when it comes to bonding with our partners.  We see the possible future, our mates see the possible present.  What is it about time and change that brings a different perspective to the union we’ve made?  Living with someone is not the easiest thing in the world to master, even if your honey bun is the perfect match.  Something always crawls out of the woodwork of love.

Love is the catalyst to our soul’s desire to be connected to someone in this world.  Love is pure and beautiful, and without love, life loses it’s luster.  But then, there are those moments in a relationship when you’re watching your mate lose his temper over the football game or decides to go on a ‘man trip’ without you. What happened to the days when you were the center of his universe?  Well, nothing really.  It’s just that life settled into a more practical state of mind for the both of you.  Let’s face it, keeping up all that impressive behavior in the beginning of a relationship for an extended period of time is just, well, tiring! 

It’s okay to still do lovely things for each other, like when he gets your cup of coffee for you in the morning and he knows how to make it ‘just right’.  Or sitting on the couch in the evening watching his favorite movie .

 There are many things that will tear at the fabric of a good relationship, but here are a few simple ideas to help you decide whether to jump ship or ride it out:

1)   Make a date with your mate.  Set aside some time for a quiet dinner alone, no children, no other family members.  Just the two of you and time to talk.  Make sure you are clear in your effort to your spouse or mate that you want some quality time to “just talk”.  You don’t want to scare him off and have hime wondering all day if there is an ulterior motive.  Keep it simple and keep it kind.

2)   Discuss issues as they come up.  Don’t try to bottle up your feelings and think it doesn’t matter.  It does matter.  You  may be feeling neglected, lost, misinformed or overlooked.  Bring him him into the conversation with words like, “Honey, help me understand why……” and you fill in the blanks.  This is a very non-confrontational approach that works well.

3)   Get yourself some help.  Seek the advice of a trusted friend or a professional.  Sometimes just talking it out simplifies things, or at the very least, you feel you are being heard.  Sometimes that is really what you want, after all, isn’t it?

4)   Be kind to yourself and don’t worry if things go haywire for a day or two.  Arguments and misunderstandings have a way of working themselves out if you both just take a deep breath, and take a break.  When you come back to the issue at hand, you will have given yourselves time to think things over in a calmer state of mind.

5)   Hug.  Never underestimate the power of a close embrace, heart to heart, nose to nose, in silence. 

You have to decide whether you are better off without him, or with him.  If there is any kind of abuse going on, then most definitely get out and get some help.  Otherwise, you may have to readjust your thinking about what is real and practical in your relationship.  Think about how many times you made an effort to spice things up, or how many times you let an argument drop because it wasn’t important to be right.  We get what we give.  And if you’re giving it your best, are you getting what you want?

Take some time to take stock of the situation from a real objective viewpoint.  Ask a trusted friend or family member what they think.  If you truly love him, and you have more to gain than to lose you might consider getting some advice or help from someone you trust.  Seeking the advice of a professional also helps you figure out where you stand and gives you safety and privacy.  Sometimes a different viewpoint can make a big change in the way you see your role in the relationship and whether or not it’s worth the effort to try and make it through the tough spots. 

Would you walk away?  You have to ask yourself what you would be without him.  If your answer is “better off”, then maybe it’s time to  make that change.  If your answer is “missing a big part of my life”, then by all means, make the effort.  Take the time to talk to your mate and find out what can be done to keep the love alive, or get some help to figure it all out.  After all, love conquers all, but not the dishes!

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